Welcome to Lulu’s Pause. A series of posts; musings, rants and insights – stitching together the discomfort, the disarray and the complete lack of clarity, during the most difficult and painful chapter of my life. Am I perimenopausal, menopausal or somewhere in between in this life changing journey of transitioning through menopause? I frankly do not know anymore.
If you just landed here you might want to check out the introductory post of this series first.
Other posts of the series appear under the category Lulu’s Pause which you can check out from the main menu. You will find the links to them attached to this post too at the end.
That said, let’s dive into Symptom 3.
It began while I was deep in meditation.
Back then I was practicing the Vipassana style and hence noticed it the first time and let it go.
The second day turned to the third and so it continued till it became an everyday affair.
What am I even referring to?
Tinnitus.
Technically tinnitus is the perception of ringing, buzzing, or other phantom noises in the ears when no external sound is present.
I wasn’t sure what to make of it. It began with a faint ringing sound within my ear. It started with one ear and moved to both. A sound that felt like bells were ringing somewhere far off in the distance. Then the ringing started coming closer to me. Until it felt like I was a temple bell myself!
Now…Vipassana practitioners are asked to practice to let things go while seated in meditation and take it and expand it to every aspect of our lives. We are also warned that some weird experiences during deep meditation are expected and one needn’t make a big hoohaa about it. So I didn’t.
Until I suspected this wasn’t just a meditation thing.
I was hearing weird sounds at unexpected moments through the day. Not just during meditation.
It was strange because I thought I was an expert at blocking out the external world without even the need for ear plugs.
If you have ever been inside a workshop of a fashion designer, you know what I am talking about.
There’s the clacking, clattering, clanging sound of the sewing machines that never stop. Then there’s the radio or some music playing in the background. Never the soothing ambient version. It’s bollywood at it’s loudest as it’s chosen by the employees not the employer. There is the team of tailors talking and laughing non-stop. Steam irons constantly hissing like angry cobras invited to a feast and served with a single puny rat.
The noises, the voices, the heat, the sweat; you learn to think, talk, eat and even take a power nap over this din. Master Shifu would have been proud to take me on to train as the next Dragon Warrior if only I hadn’t forgotten to apply!
So…there I was. Wondering where the damn bells were ringing within me. The bells became a french horn one day. Then a trombone.
Until I decided with some excitement that I was perhaps being recruited by the angels for a special mission on Earth.
I waited for a special message to arrive any day soon.
Weeks passed. Nothing from the angels.
The concerts in my ears though were a different matter altogether. The instruments were on a wild binge and they carried on into the wee hours of the night too.
No wonder I was sleepless, clueless and pretty much Lulu-less.
I didn’t know where I ended and the loud music began. We were merging into one another like a couple hopelessly in love ( it seemed more hate, less love to me btw).
Soon I knew this wasn’t normal. It was getting out of hand. I was worried.
The day I willed myself to get to a doctor…the concert cancelled itself. Exited my earspace first and my mind later.
Then my life.
How anticlimactic!
My ears felt like mine again. Not a hostage to a classical instrument gone rogue, morphing into a grunge rock specialist with an eye on the double bass.
I didn’t know what caused it. I didn’t know what stopped it.
Assuming it was the accumulated stress of a life I had left behind to intentionally choose a slower paced life even if it didn’t pay the bills, I didn’t dwell on it for long.
I wasn’t going mad. I was disqualified as a target of angels or demons for a special mission. I was not a temple bell anymore. And thank god I wasn’t being considered a free stage for concerts no one was hearing except me!
That was enough.
Years later, when I was doing a research on strange and uncommon symptoms of perimenopause, Tinnitus caught my ear…err eye.
Almost a decade after the harrowing few months I realised it was yet another symptom my body bore the brunt of without knowing the why or the how.
Tinnitus was my third symptom in a long, long decade of struggle and utter cluelessness.
As mentioned in the last two posts of this series, I didn’t even know what I was suffering from. I was not aware if it should have mattered enough for me to go sooner to get a check up done. Even if I had, I seriously doubt, I would have been taken seriously.
Perimenopause and Menopause still don’t get as much attention as they should. Doctors are nonchalant about it even today targetting a temporary solution ( which rarely works ) for an ever changing transition period.
This is just my way of laying it out there to whoever is listening. Perimenopause and Menopause are normal to any woman, I get that. BUT it is not an easy phase AND so it shouldn’t be brushed off as if it is.
IT IS NOT OKAY TO SAY IT’S OKAY WHEN IT CLEARLY IS NOT.
It is not a disease BUT it needs attention and medical intervention when it begins to interfere with the quality of life.
I hope you are listening. If you are a woman and you are going through a strange and miserable time yourself getting a hold of yourself, know that you are not alone.
Go make some noise about your struggles. Don’t stay silent. Don’t hide behind responsibilities and postpone self-care.
You matter. Your perimenopausal body certainly matters!
Each one of us deserves to age gracefully, not lose this precious sacred transitioning period to confusion, self-doubt and self-abandonment.
Have any of you experienced the same? How did your menopause journey begin? What was your first symptom? Let me know if you would like to share.
My menopause journey has been long and this is just the beginning.
The Alice in me continues to tumble down the rabbit hole.
Related posts of the series Lulu’s Pause:
Symptom 1 : https://theloopylululog.blog/2026/05/30/my-menopause-journey-flaky-scalp-awareness/
Symptom 2 : https://theloopylululog.blog/2026/07/21/navigating-menopause-my-journey-with-dry-eye-symptoms/
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