Theloopylululog

Which relationship has taught me the most about myself?

The question seems easy enough but isn’t so.

My personal equation with every other Other in my life has brought me closer to myself and taught me who I truly am.

The complicated relationship with a high achiever for a father and an all rounder for a mother led me to expect the same from myself, leading to feeling deficient and reeling with failures at first but eventually learning to completely rely on myself no matter the external circumstances.

What began as a race to become the best daughter ended up with me becoming my own best failsafe plan for life — reliable and dependable in the face of any storm that life threw at me.

The complex relationship with my high achieving siblings led me down a path of seeking perfection in every sphere of my life, leading to me becoming a bottomless pit of self pity at first but ultimately learning to figure out my own path to carve my place under the sun.

What began as a never-ending trial to become the best sibling ended up with me finally letting go of that headless need and learning to enjoy the pampering and childlike love from them both. They will always treat me as a child and now I am happy they do.

Self serving friendships through the course of life with fair weather friends made me question my worth as a friend at first but ended up with me becoming the bedrock of friendship to myself.

What began as a craving to be the best friend to another eased up to finding the only friend I will ever need — myself.

Emotionally unavailable partners taught me to respect my emotions, stand by them and revel in them, teaching one of the most significant lessons of life — I am unique in the way I love, give and receive in love and sacrifice for it.

What began as a need to feel complete led me down a scary path of self-annihilation at first but later left me with a purpose for life — self discovery. A path to seeking fulfillment, happiness, contentment and peace in myself.

All roads to awakening of Self-Awareness begins with disillusionment with the Other first.

All roads to Me led to the Other at first.

All roads to success led to failures at first.

All roads to joy led to disappointments at first.

All roads to Self-Love led to self-abandonment at first.

All roads to Self-Acceptance led to rejection from the other at first.

All roads to wholesome wholeness led to unhealthy emptiness at first.

Every relationship of mine from who I relate with to how I relate with them has brought me home to myself.

In the end, helping me find a self-sustaining root within me that never falls short of love, kindness, empathy and gratitude.