Theloopylululog

I am not as spontaneous as I once used to be. Call it age. Call it maturity. I will take both as a compliment.

I used to be impulsive and explosive. Guided by nothing but emotions and impulses, I was quite scary to the people around me. Never knowing what I would do next, they were forever busy trying to keep up. Much to their annoyance and my amusement!

Needless to say I am known for my wham bam poppadum decisions. The most spontaneous, you ask?

It has to be the THAT one . Big. Life changing. And the BEST decision of my life.

Quitting my fashion design business. Shutting shop after a decade.

I can never forget the day I decided to down the shutters of something I so carefully built over ten long years. Giving it my sweat and blood. Giving it my all. Literally.

Family, relationships, friendships, hobbies, health; everything fell to the wayside as I pushed and pushed myself to create a label and build a business that would leave behind something valuable and hopefully a safe ground for the next generation.

But Life had other plans apparently.

When the business demanded the very last few sacred weapons I had up my arsenal — my health and my integrity; I wasn’t ready.

My health has been the most significant thing that had stood by me through everything. My integrity was not up for sale like the clothes that hung in my store.

In the end, I didn’t lose my creativity. I lost the tolerance for injustice. And there was no way I was sacrificing my health for something that had become less of a dream come true and more of a nightmarish leech.

Corruption, the insatiable demands of people, and my art that was somehow never enough to the ever evolving transitional cravings of the world — put paid to what I once claimed to be the love of my life.

I was done. October 2, 2016. A saturday unlike any. I knew there was nothing more I wanted to give to my business.

Legacies might be built over dead bodies, but I was reluctant to become one so soon. I was only 35. There was plenty of life waiting for me and I was in no mood to lose it all to what I naively assumed to be the one and only thing I was born to do.

October 3, I had a heart to heart with my family. They were very supportive. The next day I informed my employees giving them a couple of months notice to seek better opportunities. My clients were the last to know on the 4th.

That’s all. No overthinking. No nail biting nights.

Just clarity.

Pure. Final. Free.

Did I ever regret this spontaneous decision?

NEVER!

It gave me the freedom to rediscover myself in ways I never dreamt of.

It gave me back my words, my music, my healing and myself.

It redirected me back to start again. Fresh as a child out of the womb, but without the need to desperately hold on to someone or something else as a crutch.

I had all the experience I would need to tackle whatever came my way all thanks to being a pioneer who lasted a good decade in a cut throat world of the flimsy.

It freed me to pursue the best art of all arts — the art of discovering a home in my Self.