Theloopylululog

One moment when a stranger completely restored my faith in people?

Sure!

Let me confess that I am not people friendly. I am more like a recluse island.

But I have been fortunate to have had that one life changing moment where humanity came through and quietly stood beside me guided by the divine hand of God.

It was the day after I had confronted the man who had abused me as a child. Only for him to completely deny it, calling me a drama queen with a penchant for lying.

He left me standing in the middle of the room while he veered off to convince his wife about my insanity and how I was prone to spin a yarn.

A moment I realised that while my life had come to a standstill on the night I was abused at 12, changing my life and it’s narrative that followed henceforth, he had no remorse.

Worse he didn’t even remember.

The next day was a blur. The only thing I remember was I didn’t want to live anymore. So I wore my favorite black blouse and jeans to work.

The whole morning passed by inconsequentially. The evening was a bore.

I was at the bus stop. My usual bay where buses heading home stopped. It was 9:30pm. I sat there numb not necessarily waiting to go home.

I was lost in my own reverie on how best to kill myself without a lot of planning. Getting hit by a bus seemed a safe choice. So I was there waiting for the crowd to thin.

It was past 10. The last bus to head home was to leave in a few minutes.

I kept waiting.

Suddenly I heard someone address me Akka!( sister). I didn’t even look up to see where the voice come from.

I heard it again. It was a man.

Do you know if 242G has left? he aked.

I was rude to him. I retorted I wasn’t aware. I still hadn’t looked at his face. I was clueless to what was around me.

He insisted that I look around and check if that specific bus had indeed left.

I was angry now. I wanted to be left alone figuring out how best to exit from my own life and this man was sabotaging my well laid out plan.

This is when I looked up to yell at him and ask him to haul his ass elsewhere.

Only then did I notice that he was blind. Only then did I notice he carried that red and black stick that blind people carry for assistence.

For a second I was shocked. The next moment I was ashamed and guilty. Regretful, I apologised to him and looked around the bay.

The bus was right there in front of me! Was it there a moment ago? I honestly don’t know.

The man sounded happy and made a request.

Would you be kind enough to help me get inside the bus, please?

I couldn’t say no. I had to make amends for my shameful behaviour.

I took his hand and guided him gently towards the bus and helped him get into it. Made him sit on the seat alloted to the physically challenged.

I was about to turn around and leave. But he didn’t let go of my hand.

Why don’t you join me and take a seat Akka? Doesn’t this bus go via your home too? Don’t want want to go home?

His words chilled me to the bone. How did he know? Does he know me? Does he know where I live? Isn’t he blind?

I was confused. I was sure I had never seen the man before.

But that moment activated a transformation. The cracks within me that were too broken to repair themselves received a tiny spark of light.

“The wound is the place where the light enters you” ~ Rumi

I smiled. I actually wanted to go home. My eyes broke their promise and shed tears in public.

Yes, I was too tired of life. But I wanted to get to my bed and sleep my agony away.Perhaps tomorrow might bring me a new choice to figure life out?

I almost laughed through my tears at the irony of it all. The gaslighting moment of the previous night which shook me to the core. And then this moment when a blind man was showing me the way to choose life!

Was it me who guided him to the bus or was it him who guided me to safety? Was it God working his miracles through him?

I will never know.

What I do know is I will always be grateful to that blind man who actually SAW me, felt my anguish, and helped me find a tiny spark of light within myself. The light that made me abandon my plans to die, hop on to the bus, head home and just sleep. Just for another day.

He saved me from my own self. He saved my life. And the irony is he never knew how significant that single moment of my life has been.

It restored my faith in humanity. And it brought me closer to God. Enabling me to see the hand of God in everything I experience, good or bad.