Theloopylululog

I want to be a Cheetah, without a doubt!

Why?

There’s something deeply intrinsic to me. I am a loner. I dislike company.

I thrive when I am left alone. My drive to be the best I can be accelerates when I am the solitary reaper.

My solitude and silence are precious to me and I guard them like treasure worth losing my life to, which by the way they are.

Another thing of significance is that I was a sprint queen until my teens. I won every race I took part in without any training prep or warm up. Run, win, done was my USP. Suited my wham, bam, poppadam style of living!

Any random day my school decided to hold some track event, I would simply walk to the starting line, wait for the get-set-go and fly even as the others were just running off the blocks. Bare foot and free, running for the wild thrill was my game.

I was exceptional at the 200m and 400m. The school ground was small. We had to turn around every 100m and keep doing it more often for the longer races. With every turn, I noticed the others lose pace and by the end, I was probably the only one deserving of hitting the ribbon.

I am a loner by choice. I learnt that I was a loner by chance on the track. It worked wonders for my mental health. There is something pure and magical running a race without any human presence hovering around. I lived for it. The moment I found myself alone… flying like a solitary animal without any pack to lead or cub to protect. Just one with the ONE. Oh… the joy and bliss!

Although I ran to win, I would wait for the moments I made contact with the divine when I flew. The moment when everyone and everything fell behind. Nothing else mattered. Just pure running. The breath, the heart beat, the thud and thump of the feet hitting the ground…Beneath it all, pure divine silence.

How intoxicating! Addictive. Necessary.

Life and age put an end to my dream. The dream of continuing to sprint into my 40’s got lost somewhere in my 20’s when I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis. My knees didn’t have it in them to keep up with my sprinting dreams. I gave up running.

Only to keep alive the dream. I dreamt of running; carefree and childlike… in my dreams. My knees couldn’t scream at me in my dream, could they?

So much so, I even fell in love with a man solely because he dreamed of running too! I had no clue what he looked like, but I knew what his dream felt like and that was enough for love to bloom between us.

I have given up on many of my dreams as time went by; some because they no more interested or challenged me and some because their expiry date was up anyway.

But…sprinting. Sigh…

That’s a dream that still leaves my heart racing! Just the thought makes me want to get up and have a go at it. Alas…my knees can’t take it.

Hence Cheetah it is!

One of my favorite poems is William Blake’s Tyger Tyger, burning bright.I came across it at 18, around the time my knees were acting up and it has stayed with me till today for the incredibly warm cup of sunshine it is.

Although the poet waxes eloquent about a Tiger, I see a Cheetah come alive with my insatiable dream fuelling the words towards the impossible. It’s eyes, sanguine gold. Powerful sinews made for pace. A solitary heart roaming the wild; carefree and childlike. Alone. Never lonely. Guarding it’s territory, solitude and silence like treasure it would lose it’s life to.

Just like me.

Now you see why I want to be a Cheetah?

And hey, not a male. No band of brothers for me. Sorry.

I want to a female Cheetah. As free as they come.

Even if for only a week.

I want to run.

Fly with the wind.

Fly like the wind.

For once without encumberances.

Without pain or guilt.

Without any regret.

Without dreaming of unfulfilled dreams and weak knees putting paid to them.