Theloopylululog

WTF!! No effing way!

Thus begins the story of Lulu’s Pause. With a swear on the lips and a jolt to the eyes.

The WHEN :

The story goes back a decade and it involves a mirror. All it took was a simple parting of the hair.  Off I went, tumbling down a rabbit hole that the Alice in me is still trying to burrow through to the elusive other side.

The WHAT :

Welcome to Lulu’s Pause. A series of posts; musings, rants and insights – stitching together the discomfort, the disarray and the complete lack of clarity, during the most difficult and painful chapter of my life. Am I perimenopausal, menopausal or somewhere in between in this life changing journey of transitioning through menopause? I frankly do not know anymore.

This is a vulnerable attempt to share all the hair raising and downright messy symptoms of this transitioning phase that my body has been experiencing for the past decade. I am but a mute witness to what can only be termed the mother of all things unpredictable and that is saying the least. Life has gone through so many twists and turns that some mornings I wake up disoriented, wondering whose body am I wearing today?

Transitions are never easy but they are inevitable. I am here partly to walk myself through this time of metamorphosis with ease, grace and gratitude. When I put my experiences into words, some of you who have been wondering what is wrong with you, might have a light bulb go ting within you. Part of the why is to share that aha moment with you. Whispering that you aren’t alone. Your confusion is real. So is your pain and they are both valid. Hell no…it is not that time of the month as men or our docs would have us believe.

IT IS THAT EPOCHAL TIME OF OUR LIFE! We better make some noise and have ourselves heard. 

Join me as I go tumbling about through the rabbit hole, fingers crossed to catch the light that lands me on the other side. Hands, feet, face: all splayed on the floor any time now!

The WHY :

Let me warn you, I am no doctor. I am not selling you a book or a remedy or a healing session either. I am here to gently prod you just for the duration of this read to pause. Pause to see yourself while looking at your mirror and your life. Pause to reflect on how far you have come. Pause to gauge how long ahead is the road.

Please don’t pause your life when you are transitioning to menopause. Pause the self-doubt, self-judgment and self-criticism. Pause the manic anxiety ridden voice within you high on coffee and low on sleep to give yourself a moment of self-care.

Pause. Breathe. Learning to let it go. It is not going to be easy. I know it wasn’t for me. It still isn’t. BUT it is ok. You are ok. We are ok.

The HOW :

So…the story begins when I looked into the mirror on a random dull day and found myself gazing in shock at something peculiar.

A simple act repeated by me on autopilot every day. How many of us even see ourselves when we look in the mirror? We do what we have got to do and then hurry on to the next item on the checklist barely being present to what is in front of us.

A decade of functioning like a machine on the clock had made me run on auto-mode as default. Being a solopreneur without putting all the helpful cogs in the wheel had made me a highly strung woman in her mid-30’s. Only when I finally shut shop did I even realize just how frazzled I had become. My body was threadbare and unravelling.

That simple act of staring into the mirror trying to part my hair made me stop in my tracks. In hindsight, that was the beginning of a long and winding road to understanding the woman in me, the feminine body behind the hyper masculine façade I wore to stand my share of ground in the world of the fickle and snobby – fashion! A road towards self-love and self-compassion. A road that taught me to value my body and mind in whatever state it was; agile or fragile, moody or bendy, tired or wired, rooted or just plain rude.

The plot thickens…

To be or not to be. That is the question of my menopausal body going round and round the wheel of symptoms, symptoms and more symptoms and this is the story of me going all Hamlet on you! Enjoy!

See you soon as I begin the journey of taking you through the decade long ride of “Is this a symptom? Maybe not? Is it? Nah…Could it be cancer? Oh No! How long do I have? Oh shoot! I must be bipolar! Crap! False alarm! It’s just my period. Oh NOOOOOO. Not again woman! Duh…it’s just spotting.”

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